Balancing love: My ongoing journey with a new sibling and a firstborn

As a mom, I’ve written a lot about the joys of motherhood — the giggles, the milestones, the first steps and words. But now, I find myself writing about something new: the challenges that come with introducing your firstborn to his baby brother.

For five years, my son was our little world — the centre of our attention, the one who could do no wrong (in our eyes, at least). But then, in the blink of an eye, we were a family of four.

Along came his baby brother, with a set of tiny pink feet that have already captured all of our hearts. And while my firstborn is thrilled to have a sibling, there’s no denying that things have changed.

I’ll be honest with you — I never expected it to be this tricky.

At first, there was curiosity. He wanted to touch his brother’s feet, gently stroke his baby-soft head, and watch as we fed him or changed his diapers. But that innocence was short-lived.

Now, as the days pass, I see him seeking attention in new, unexpected ways. He pries for our eyes, even if it means acting out, and sometimes, I catch him ignoring his brother altogether, as though he can’t be bothered.

But here’s the thing that gets me — as soon as his baby brother falls asleep, my sweet, fun-loving boy reappears.

He's the child we know and love, cracking jokes, asking for playtime, and reminding us of his delightful personality. It’s a balancing act I’m still trying to manage.

We’ve tried everything. My husband and I make sure to have date nights, alone with big brother or boeta, as he prefers to be called. 

We explain to our oldest that we love him just as much as we love his brother. Yet, even with all this, I can see the tug-of-war in his heart.

He adores his baby brother — I know that for sure — but there’s a sense of fear that his place in the family will be overshadowed by the new arrival.

Sometimes, I can’t help but chuckle at the resemblance to the movie Boss Baby. 

There’s this dynamic of a confident, somewhat "in charge" firstborn suddenly being faced with a newcomer who seems to have taken over the family.

My son, in his own way, is finding it hard to share the spotlight. I can almost hear him muttering, "I was here first!" as he seeks our attention, makes sure to block his brother from a picture.

There are moments, too, when I grab my phone to capture the sweet moments. Just the other day, I saw him teaching his brother how to build blocks — such a small, adorable gesture that warmed my heart.

It’s the kind of moment I want to treasure forever, even though I know it’ll take time for the baby to catch on.

So here I am, asking for your advice. I want to do right by both of them, and I want to make sure that as much as we nurture this new sibling bond, my firstborn feels seen and valued. Have any of you been through this?

How did you navigate the delicate balance of sharing attention, especially when there’s an age gap?

How did you manage your emotions as a parent when one child needs more than the other — and how do you explain this delicate dance to your little one?

This is the part I’m still learning to navigate. Any advice or wisdom from seasoned parents would mean the world to me as I continue to figure out how to give both my boys the love and attention they need in their own unique ways.

Because no matter how challenging it gets, I wouldn’t change a thing — even on the days when my firstborn is trying to block his brother from yet another family photo.

— A Mom Who’s Still Finding Her Feet.

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Weekend Argus